Because your candy should be as scary as your costume
By: Tim McLaughlin
Dracula Drool: This vile vial gets bonus gross-out points for its graphic name. It’s not just blood, it’s hemoglobin-stained saliva that dripped off the Count’s slobbering fangs.
Vampire Hair: Candy hair would have made this list on its own; so would candy vampires. The combination in a flossy candy that explodes on your tongue puts it at No. 2. Also noteworthy is the revelation that Marge Simpson is indeed a vampire.
Toxic Waste: There’s a classic trope of hazardous waste turning people into heinous mutants. This version turns kids into people who enjoy sucking on unpleasant, intensely sour candy. According to the barrel’s chart, keeping one of these in your mouth for a minute makes you a full toxie head. If you last only 45 seconds you’re just a toxie wannabe.
Blood Energy Potion: This sugary maroon liquid claims to have “similar nutritional content to natural blood.” A serving does provide 55% of recommended daily iron value and 880mg of amino acids. It even tastes like blood, but only Franken Berry’s blood. An impressive Web tie-in poses it as a synthetic blood substitute for vampires, an alternative to feasting on humans. With its microwave instructions to heat to 98.6°F and transfusion bag packaging, we give this an A(Rh)+ for commitment.
Body Parts Sushi: There’s something about eyeballs, fingers, and ears topping seaweed-wrapped rice that gives us an extra kick of queasiness. Associating hacked body parts with customary fare legitimizes cannibalism in a way that puts us ill at ease. Also, the list of ingredients includes the word “pork.” Wretch. Comes with chopsticks.
